MS Wank 5.0 by Predatrix

(Lines in angle brackets are the oh-so-helpful remarks that might be made by a software program. Lines in square brackets are responses by an inexpert one-finger typist.)

<Hello, welcome to: MICROSOFT WANK 5.0>
[return]
<Please select option:
1.    masturbate with fantasy
2.    masturbate without fantasy
3.    fantasy
4.    format this disk
5.    cancel>
[what”s    3?]
<bad command or filename>
[3, 3, 3, dammit!]
<bad command or filename>
[3]
<hand not required for this function. Abort.]
[!*?#+!#+]
<bad command or filename>
[mswnak]
<bad command or filename>
[mswank]
<Hello, welcome to: MICROSOFT WANK 5.0>
[return]
<Please select option:
1.    masturbate with fantasy
2.    masturbate without fantasy
3.    fantasy
4.    eject this disk
5.    cancel>
[6]  “Damn!”
<error. Please re-type>
[1]
<Please enter name of file to load fantasy>
[Supreme Commander]
<File name contains 1 or more invalid characters>
[SupremeCommander]
<File name too long>
[SuprComm]
<File not found>
[Servalan]
<Loading file: SERVALAN:>
……….
———————————-
<file: Servalan>
“Come on, Travis, you didn’t really expect I would let you keep this, did you? I think I would get back to work if I were you…
S.
———————————-
<file erased following order from System Manager>

<Please select option:
1.    masturbate with fantasy
2.    masturbate without fantasy
3.    fantasy
4.    eject this disk
5.    cancel>
[2]
<You have selected the masturbation option. Which further options would you like to use?
1. hand
2. external add-ons>
[return]
<default: hand>
<what clothing (optional) would you like to wear?
1. standard
2. French Maid
3. Nurse
4. Schoolgirl>
[return]
<default: no change to clothing selection>
<What speed would you like to use?
1. geriatric tortoise
2. slow
3. normal
4. fast
5. standard by twenty (not recommended on
non-reinforced models)>
<speed can be increased by typing “speed up” later on if you change your mind>
[2]
<slow speed selected>
Quiet noises can be heard.
[spee up] “Damn!”
<error! Please retype>
[speed up]
Slightly more noises can be heard for several minutes, then…
<divide by 0 error>
<Hello, welcome to: MICROSOFT WANK 5.0>
[return]
<Please select option:
1.    masturbate with fantasy
2.    masturbate without fantasy
3.    fantasy
4.    eject this disk
5.    cancel>
[4]
The sound of a disk being ejected.
WHOOOOFFFF (fizzle!)
The sound of a disk being vaporised.
[open special requisition form F00HG100054XXXZ]
<reason for requisition of further copy of program?>
[software fault]

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